Couples fight! From little spats to full-on yelling matches, loved ones tend to disagree from time to time. However, it isn’t arguments in a relationship that are a problem; in fact, occasional disagreements are signs of a healthy relationship. Rather, it’s the effect conflict can have on you and your partner. If arguments and disagreements can’t be resolved, they will only fester and cause more conflict. Thankfully, you can implement some easy conflict resolution methods into your life to lessen the negative emotional impact of fights and reach a point of greater harmony with your significant other. Or, if these tips fail to make a difference, allow Chapin & Russell Associates to help you get to the bottom of your relationship woes in Peoria IL.
Reflect Openness and Honesty
It’s easy for someone to completely shut out another when attempting to stand their ground or argue their point. Unfortunately, being standoffish or close-minded doesn’t do anything to produce a resolution to a conflict. Being open and honest about how something makes you feel is vital for your partner to understand and empathize. Open communication can be achieved through “I” statements (“I feel upset when you…”), active listening (listening and engaging), and other techniques a counselor can help you learn.
Don’t Play the Blame Game
Getting combative during an argument can be easy, especially if blame is tossed around. However, attacking someone won’t end the dispute. Placing blame on someone puts them on the defensive, shifting the discussion away from the initial issue. Rather than blaming your partner for something, explain how what they did made you feel (use those “I” statements again). If they understand your frustrations, they can relate to and respect your feelings more easily.
Be Calm and Respectful
Screaming and yelling during an argument will get you nowhere. All it does is alienate your partner, place them on the defensive, and bring tensions to a fever pitch. Additionally, making your spouse feel scared or uncomfortable is no way to build trust and understanding in a relationship. Needless to say, cooler heads always prevail! That’s why you must remember to bring the temperature down during a conflict and stay calm and respectful. You’d do well to avoid name-calling, yelling, or aggressive gestures, which can escalate the conflict.
Stay Focused
Sometimes, a marital spat can lead to an airing of grievances. While the many points of tension in a relationship must be addressed, unloading such feelings mid-argument can undercut any resolution of the initial disagreement. This feeds a vicious cycle of conflict that will only worsen. For such reasons, staying focused on one dispute at a time is necessary. By working through your relationship issues in an organized manner, you can more easily arrive at a solution beneficial for everyone.
Seek Compromise
While you might be at each other’s throats, you and your partner still love each other. Ultimately, being mad or upset is something neither of you wants. As such, seeking compromise is in both of your best interests. However, compromise doesn’t mean getting completely your way or theirs; it’s about finding the middle ground. What little sacrifices are you and your significant other willing to make for each other? Can you pitch in with household chores if the workload is too much for one alone? Can you agree to alternate between doing activities you each love? These are just a couple of examples of compromises you can make.
Speak with a Professional
While you can do your best to mitigate conflict in a relationship, some problems are not easily overcome. Arguments stemming from relationship issues like infidelity can require a knowledgeable mediator to help rebuild the trust. Or, frustrations resulting from misunderstood love languages, lack of intimacy, life-changing events, etc., might require a different approach than what you or your partner can do for yourself.
If such is the case for your marriage or relationship, seek guidance from a trained relationship counselor. Chapin & Russell Associates assists couples struggling to maintain a happy and healthy relationship through our helpful counseling services. To learn more about our relationship or marriage counseling or to schedule a session, call 309-681-5850. Chapin & Russell Associates’ main office is located at 3020 W Willow Knolls Dr, Peoria, IL 61614.
